I am not even sure where to start with this one. The middle one. Not the oldest and not the youngest. Growing up, this "middle one" wanted more than anything was to be in charge of everything. Scott and I would laugh that he would either be the president of a country or president of a cell block. Even though Josh was the "middle one," there was no middle ground with him. He was either full force right or full force left, so either really good or really bad. When I say bad, I mean mischievousness to the extreme. Rules meant nothing to him, and nothing was ordinary with this one. Everything had to be bigger, faster, and higher. I mean who tells their child, "Do not get on the roof to shoot basketball" or "Do not soak tennis balls in lighter fluid to set on fire?"
Josh would constantly tell me he was bored, and I would quickly reply, "then go outside" and of course, you know what he whined, "But there's nothing...." My reply, "Go get a rake and....." before I could finish, Josh was out the door. We did not believe in constantly "entertaining" our boys. We wanted them to learn to be creative, imaginative and independent, and Josh had all three. However, it was to the point there were no boundaries or rules. He felt it was fine to climb the fence of the neighborhood pool in the winter, or ride his bike for miles to get to his best friend's house, or set plastic army men on fire to watch them melt, or stay gone for hours creating a path through the woods from our house to the local convenience store, or long board in the downtown parking garage until 2am. Josh never saw anything wrong with whatever he had set his mind to do. There was no fear of trespassing, or getting hurt, or getting lost, or being taken or hurting someone else. In his young mind, he thought these things were ok, because it was an exciting and thrilling adventure. He prided himself with coming up with these ideas, and when we would have to discipline him, he had a hard time understanding because he really did want to be good.
Even at school, when he was in first grade and everyone was taking a spelling test, Josh was finishing his art project. Once he finished it, he told the teacher, he was ready to take the spelling test. She had no idea, he had completely ignored her directions. Church was no exception either. One year at Easter, our church was hosting a huge egg hunt, Josh and his buddy Channing decided to sneak off and find the golden egg before the hunt started and hide it where they would find it. Of course, they were caught , but were they sorry? Only for getting caught. Honestly, Josh did not think he had done anything wrong. He just thought he was being smarter than everyone else for coming up with the idea.
At one point, I asked God for a sign, something, anything that would give me hope Josh would learn to be obedient. Every time Scott would have to discipline him, he would tell him "With obedience comes blessing. With disobedience comes suffering." Suffering meaning just that, pops on his rear end. Around age nine, Josh decided to write out this quote on a piece of paper and tape it to ceiling above his bunk bed. Literally, a SIGN. It was then I realized, Josh wanted to obey, but there was something in him that sought out anything that was different from what we said or expected. He really did think his way was better.
To help me understand these male humans God had entrusted to me, Scott gave me the book Wild at Heart by John Eldredge, and it helped me understand how God had hard-wired males to desire wild adventure. However, not all males seek it out in the same way. Our oldest, Drew, was finding it in sports. He loved the thrill sports gave him, however in sports, you must follow the rules to be successful, so when Josh came along, I did not understand what was happening with him. Of course, we started him off in sports as well, but we should have known he was different when he insisted on wearing his baseball hat sideways. As Josh became older, so did his need for adventure. I did not want to be that mom constantly saying no or holding on too tightly to my son, so I started praying for ways to allow Josh to be "wild." I wanted Josh to continue being fierce and fearless but a force for the Kingdom. God answered us by giving Scott and I the idea of mission trips for each son at age 13. Not only would this be an adventure, but we wanted our sons to have a world perspective, a perspective beyond this small southern town where we live. Josh's first trip was to Guatemala, and then at 15, Josh went to Africa for the first time where he learned to love and serve people of Tanzania in need of clean water. It was during these trips, Josh got to be in the "wild." He would be forever changed by the things he experienced, and this help shape him into the servant leader he has become today. He was far from perfect as he continued to grow up, but these trips pushed him into a direction, the right direction.
As parents of boys, it is so important we find ways for them to be wild and be adventurous, but in the right way, because if we do not, they will seek it out themselves and many times it is not in a positive way, not with a very real enemy lurking. Satan knows how this desire is in the DNA of our boys. It is part of who God has called our sons to be, so he is willing to do anything to destroy them. Anything to keep them from becoming men of God.
Another mom once shared with me to pray for "The child that is your greatest challenge to become your greatest delight." I prayed this in different seasons about each one of our sons. In the middle of those hard seasons, God saw me. He knew what I needed and when I needed it. So, pray and listen. He may not "fix" it the way we ask Him. He rarely does. I had not planned to send my 15-year-old son to the other side of the world without me or Scott, but I knew God was showing us a path meant for Josh. However, the path will always require trust and sacrifice. Let me say that again, this path will always require trust and sacrifice. It is not easy. It will NOT look normal or mainstream, but usually very strange and odd to the world. It will be costly. Sacrifice must be part of it or what is the point? Of course this is not the only way to allow boys to be wild. This is just where God led us with Josh. And yes, Josh is one of our greatest delights.
Right now, the world is very different and traveling to other parts of the world is not as easy, however our sons' DNA is the same. Listen for the Father's voice, "This is the way..." Then trust Him and step out in faith remembering He loves our children more than we do. Our sons are shifting every single day, do not let the days slip away. Be intentional praying for their paths and God ordering their steps. God will provide the "wild adventure" our sons crave. Want to raise a Warrior? Allow them to be a Warrior.
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