I cannot express the feelings that come with seeing my son holding his son. Of course, there is incredible joy, but there is also that tiny tug at a mama's heart that my child is truly a grown man with his own home and family. Scott and I will always be his parents, but now he is the head of his house, and he and Katie will now make decisions regarding their own little family. However, putting this into practice in everyday life is a lot easier to type than actually do. In my "mama's mind," I know the goal is the send my boys out into the world and make their own way, but many times my heart gets in the way. I mean seriously, I have been taking care and deciding what it best their entire lives. It truly is a rewiring of the brain, because as mamas, we do not want to be quiet. We want to suggest or tell or say, but HEAR me, mamas...we must absolutely learn to be quiet and only offer advice when asked. We need to allow them to make mistakes or just make different choices because their life is NOT going to look exactly like ours. God has a path for Drew and his family and it is not going to look the same as the path God had for Scott and our family.
When Micah was born, I wanted nothing more than to stay with Katie and Drew and take care of all of three of them, but this was a time Katie needed her own mama. This is when I have seen so many boy moms feel slighted or left out, but the truth is our sons are not leaving us out . They are being the men we have raised them to be. This is a time to rejoice and know we have done an amazing job. Micah is almost 16 months old now. There have been times when they have needed me to step in and help and those are sweet times of still being needed. What Drew does not need is me mothering him and Katie does not need me mothering her husband. Drew now has a wife and a child to take care of and as his mom, I need to allow him to do just that.
Stepping back is hard because I love my children so much and just because my son has grown up, my heart does not switch off. For me, one of the hardest parts of being a mom is trusting Jesus with my children, who are no longer children. It was much easier when they were little and singing "Jesus love me this I know..." But now, "this I know" is much harder. I have always struggled with knowing He loves my boys more than I do. I know this in my head but having it sink into my mama's heart is ultimate trust. However, when it does sink in, there is incredible peace. As Drew's mom, I will always want the very best for him and Katie and Micah, but now what is best for him is for me to step back and not only allow the season to shift but embrace it.
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